Most of us like to keep the past in the past, especially when it concerns someone we thought we would never have to see again.
But one mother recently experienced a “reunion” in the worst way, when she was confronted with the sight of a man who committed a crime against her 15 years earlier… and is now a fellow school parent.
“Break in, kicked my dog, took my keys”
Write to a advice column for advice the chattering woman says:
“Fifteen years ago, a drunk man broke into my house in the middle of the night, kicked my dog, took my keys and tried to steal my car before being arrested by my then-boyfriend.”
The police managed to arrest the man. The woman added that although she was not injured, the incident left her upset and terrified.
“Days later, my boyfriend and I broke up, I moved out of the house, and I was never contacted by anyone about the charges or follow-up on the case.”
And now, more than ten years later, the woman sees the man, probably with his child, end up in the same kindergarten as she and her own toddler.
Although she admitted that she hadn’t thought about the incident in years, it was still a disturbing and unexpected moment. Now she’s not sure how to handle things.
“I doubt he recognizes me as he has only seen me once, in the dark, while he was heavily drunk fifteen years ago.
“But how do I handle future interactions with him, since kids will likely be going to school together for the next thirteen years?”
The woman’s biggest concern is that one day the children will have to figure things out for themselves – such as online articles about the case naming them.
Finally, she asks if she should be honest with everyone now.
“Awkward PTA meetings in my future”
The woman signs her post with “Awkward PTA Meetings in My Future,” which understates the absolutely wild story.
Even the person responding to her says, “I.e., excuse my language, damn crazy.”
In fact, it’s the first line of her advice, followed by a sincere apology for the woman’s experience.
Acknowledging that “this encounter will bring up a lot of emotions,” she adds, “this man will not recognize you and it is even possible that he has completely changed his life and may want to make it up to you.”
But she also advises staying safe by taking a friend with her if she were to approach him, and not confronting him at the school gate. She suggests sending an email asking for coffee to discuss a personal matter, and meeting in public.
“Your goal is not to force an apology, but a shared acknowledgment of the past incident… He may react angrily and fear you telling other parents.”
But that’s only if she really feels compelled to reach out. Otherwise, it is not her responsibility to do anything in the best interest of the children.
What she does need to do is discuss her “mental health and peace of mind” about regular contact with “this terrifying part of your past.”
“I would go into denial mode”
We asked a few Children’s pot readers and fellow parents about how they would respond to this situation.
One admitted she would: ‘Every time I saw him I would go into denial mode and pretend he wasn’t there.’
Another claimed: “I couldn’t be trusted to keep it a secret in the long run so it’s better to come out now.”
A third parent questioned whether the man did not recognize her, saying: “He would have taken her name from a police report and certainly Googled her at some point.”
Finally, there was the concerned response: ‘I’ve seen too much true crime not to suspect that he’s suddenly enrolled his child in the same preschool. I would be careful, sister.
“Especially if he’s the kind of person who kicks a dog, drunk or not.”
